We all need to laugh and thank God, we have Bruce Cameron to help us out." "8 Simple Rules is not about daughter control, it's about bladder control.Put on a Depends, and safely begin hysterical laughter.Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: - Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. - Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.
is an owner's manual for anyone who once had cute little girls and now has teenage daughters and is trying to figure out what happened.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.